Feedback

When was the last time someone took the time to thank you for a job well done, or gave you feedback on anything?  Except when it comes from someone who is annoyed, it seems to be a vanishing art.

When I was working, I made a point to let supervisors know when their employees were especially helpful or performed in outstanding ways.  They were always surprised and the usual conversation would end in a great deal of thanking and gratitude.  I tried to make comments in writing, in hopes that they would end up in their personnel records.

Providing feedback is one small way to fight mediocrity.  If we reward the people who do a really good job, and highlight them to their superiors, aren’t they more likely to continuing to do a good or better job and maybe pass some of that goodness on to their fellow employees? 

I placed a large phone order with the local garden center and took up a lot of the extraordinarily helpful gardener's time.  When we completed the order I asked if she would connect me to her supervisor.  “Is anything wrong,” she said.  I explained that I simply wanted them to know how helpful she had been.  “Really?” she said, sounding surprised.  Her supervisor was likewise caught off guard and indicated that he only hears from people who are unhappy.  “I’m unemployed,” I explained,  “everyone who is fortunate enough to be working and doing a good job should know others appreciate their work.”

Recently, I contacted the county extension office to  find someone to take the wood from my felled black walnut tree for furniture making. The largest log was 10 feet long, 24 inches in diameter and about 1600 pounds (see To Kill A Tree  9/21/09).  The extension office referred me to an expert who subsequently referred me to a furniture maker who took the logs to be milled and then to use to make furniture.  I emailed the expert who referred me to the furniture maker and thanked him and let him know that my wood would become a table and possibly another piece of furniture.  He responded with a huge thank you, indicating that he refers a lot of people and “nobody ever gives me any feedback.” 

Giving feedback to someone who makes a good referral rewards both the referer and the person who has been referred.  We owe it to these nice people to let them know they made a difference.

Sometimes people ask me for my expertise on a particular topic or for an opinion for them to consider when making a big decision.  And sometimes it is for my opinion of a certain person’s performance or for a referral of a service provider such as a plumber.  When I take time to help someone else, I really appreciate hearing the end of the story; was my input helpful?   If I refer someone who does a bad job, I want to know that so I don’t refer them again.

There are other ways to give feedback.  This week on the I-5 in Southern California, I saw one of the most intriguing vehicles I have ever seen.  It was the Wholly Guacamole truck. I took these photos.   I waved at the driver and smiled.  He seemed accustomed to getting attention. But the feedback was definitely positive!  My photos are inadequate; try Googling "Wholly Guacamole".

Feedback, whether good or bad, is important information.  Remember to give it and to receive it with grace.

Highlights of an Afternoon in Southern California: Balboa Park, Cardiff Beach, Extraordinary Desserts and Star of India

One of the things I love about Southern California is that there is always something fun to do and it usually involves incredible weather! In only a few hours in the perfect, cool, breezy, cloudless San Diego afternoon, I had four distinctly different and decidedly delightful experiences.

#1  Billed as "the nation's largest urban cultural park," Balboa Park in San Diego houses 15 museums, beautiful gardens, sculpture, and the San Diego Zoo.  Now with 1200 of the original 1400 acres set aside in 1868 for a city park, Balboa was the site of the first World's Fair: The 1915-16 Panama-California Exposition Art and Culture, Gardens and Spanish-Renaissance Architecture.  Many of the beautiful buildings were created for the Exposition.    

Alcazar Garden, decorated with Moorish tiles and named for its resemblance to the design of the Alcazar Castle gardens in Seville, Spain, was built in 1935 and completely restored in 2008.  The Botanical Building offers a lush selection of tropical and native plants and the colorful, Spanish-style artists' village features original works.

During our picnic, a flock of white doves circled above.  The weather was perfect and it was a great way to spend a few hours.  For more information http://www.balboapark.org/

#2  Tea at Extraordinary Desserts at 5th and Hillcrest in San Diego was a sweet feast for the eyes and tooth.  The desserts are true to their name and bedecked with fresh flowers and flourishes that make them very hard to resist.  We sat outside where carved goldfish decorate the wall. I enjoyed a cup of tea and a beautiful slice of fruit tart.  For a feast of photos and more information see their website:  http://www.extraordinarydesserts.com/

#3  Southern California beaches are inviting at any time of day. This was my first visit to Cardiff Beach in Encinitas, just north of Solana Beach.  As the sun was setting, I had just enough time to touch the water and see the tide pools filled with anemones, crabs, fish, and even a starfish.  A lone fisherman looked like he was trying to reel in the setting sun while a few evening surfers enjoyed the waves and dog walkers passed by at a quickened pace. It was glorious! http://www.parks.ca.gov/?page_id=656

#4  What a treasure!  The Star Of India, part of the Maritime Museum of San Diego, is the world's oldest active ship.  It is docked on F Street, near the airport and open to the public.  It is worth seeing, even if you only have time to drive by.  http://www.sdmaritime.org/star-of-india/

It does rain in Southern California and other things I have learned

Rain!   It was such a surprise and so thrilling to watch the front move in.   A frog started croaking its thanks in the garden.  For the ten minutes it lasted, it seemed that the dry earth sighed.  Everything smelled fresh.  Double rainbows appeared.  It was magical.

Relaxation is not just a mindset.  Visual and auditory stimulation from nature promote winding down and diminishing stress for me; escaping from all of the relaxation-zapping traps of home contributes too.

Pomegranates grow abundantly here.  I particularly like their beautiful color and their crowns that make them look like topsy-turvy royalty.  When they ripen on the trees they are jucier and have a richer taste.

Covey of quail are prevalent this time of year.  They seem to be large family groups and the dominant male tells everyone else what to do. He looks like a pear shaped old woman with a funny feathered hat and scurries about giving orders; not everyone pays attention when there are yummy bugs to eat in the dung heap!

Rabbits are everywhere! They blend into their environment, get into the flowers and are a nuisance; they still look cute.

Hummingbirds are larger here than their East Coast relatives. They get chilled at night and move more slowly in the cool mornings until the sun warms them. Then, you can hear the motoring of their tiny wings when they whiz by, heading for the next pollen stash.  Soon they will move far south for the winter months.

The sky and the changing light amaze me.The sun is brighter; the morning sun produces colors and patterns in the sky like I have never seen before.  Mid-day sun is much more intense and the afternoon light, as the sun sinks lower, produces pinks and oranges and a completely different view of the same scenery.

A praying mantis is such an interesting insect.  Its praying hands make it seem very special and deserving of some reverence.  It refused my offer of help when I picked it off the door and tried to place it on the adjacent bush; instead it crawled all the way up my arm and clung stubbornly to me.   I love how its face looks like an alien.

The original motor home owners, snails are considered pests.  They get to be quite large and come out  at night when it is cool.  They destroy plants.  Birds eat them.  I  like the way they leave footprints.

Every day produces another discovery.  I am excited to see what today brings!

Tuning in to Warning Signs

From the horse barn in Southern California

I don’t like snakes. The last time I encountered a live rattlesnake was in 1993 on Skyline Drive in Virginia; it was gigantic - at least 3 ½ feet long - and only 2 feet away from my then-six and nine year olds. Today’s experience was less frightening, but no less of a warning.

I was grooming Jet outside the stalls, with Laurel watching eagerly for her time to get attention, ears flickering back and forth, rubbing her face against the stall door and doing an inordinate amount of snorting. This is usual behavior when Mom gets attention and daughter feels slighted.

Jet, the Mom, was calm as usual as I brushed her coat and then got the tangles out of her mane and began on her tail. She stiffened and I thought maybe she was listening to the dogs barking in the distance, or the crow cawing in the nearby trees. I ignored it and she repositioned herself, backing up a little bit. She was no longer in her relaxed pose.

Laurel kept looking over to the other side of the barn, where the hay is stored and was a little bit uneasy. Again I ignored it.

The gardener walked up to the barn and in Spanish got my attention and pointed to the floor of the barn where a rattlesnake was not more than 12 feet from us, moving toward the hay bales in the back (where, until now, I reached with bare hands three times each day. Sure enough, the horses had noticed the snake and I had not.

I was really curious and had to see it up close.  He held it down with a shove while I inspected. Beautiful markings.  It was clearly a rattlesnake, but a small one.  He used the same shovel to keep it from bothering us again.

Again in Spanish, the gardener explained that he had found “dos mucho grande” snakes at another time. Knowing I did not understand his language, he held up two fingers to indicate the number, then stretched his arms apart to indicate the size and pointed to a place in the barn behind some equipment.  I made a face that made him laugh, while all I could think about was that I will use gloves to pick up hay from now on and be more attuned to where I am putting my hands and feet.

I also made a mental note never to go to the place where the dos big ones were extracted. And, I will listen more carefully to the horses, who knew danger was at hand and were trying to tell me.

Unemployment: Unintended Consequences - Horse Sense

I was born in Kentucky. I think that is what started the horse thing for me, although I lived there for only a short time.  As a young girl, I loved horses more than any other animal.  Trigger, Flicka, Black Beauty, and Misty of Chincoteague were among my favorites. Shelves in my bedroom were filled with horse figurines of all sizes (my favorite looked like Trigger).

When I was young,  things didn't always go my way with horse opportunities:


• Despite urgent pleas to Santa, I never got a horse and I got a silly cowgirl outfit when I asked for a cowboy suit; the only good part was that I got the gun and holster.


• A relative gave me a pony that was kept on his farm in Kentucky and I lived in Florida; we saw him only once a year and he was too wild to ride.


• A girl in my fifth grade class had a horse and lived nearby. She promised she would come over to my house after school and bring her horse if I would clean out her desk; I did and waited all afternoon for her to show up. I never fell for that trick again.

• I was so excited about going to Vienna, Austria to see the Lipizzaner stallions at the Spanish Riding School. The horses contracted an illness and we only saw the building and not even a single horse. I was a gut-wrenching disappointment that was only mildly appeased by the cute horses with guards on them on our next stop in London.

Fast forward more than 30 years. I have a friend who has two horses, a 20 year old mare, Jet, and a 7 year old mare, Laurel. I am taking care of the “girls” while my friend is out of town. I finally get horses to love and care for as if they were my own. I feed them three times a day, check water, check for wounds, wash and dress wounds, wash their faces, clean up after them, exercise them and love them.

I get more feedback from these horses than I have from the resumes I have sent out the past 8 months and it is genuine and positive.  I feel good about myself.  I am learning new skills and I love to feel needed!  Their ears shoot straight up when they see me walking to the barn. They make snorting noises and nod their heads. When I get close, they nudge me and ask for treats.  And when I tell them they are gorgeous, I do believe they puff out their chests a little bit and seem pretty pleased with themselves. It’s truly a gift to have this time for giving and getting nothing but positive feedback.

Here are a few things I have learned from my four-legged friends:

• If you have hands, appreciate them. Without them you cannot swat the flies on your face, scratch your ears or wipe your eyes.
• Love your food and appreciate every bite.
• Keep an eye on the community. Take in the sights. Watch who is coming and going and hang your head out of the stall door just in case someone walks by with free hands or an orange off of the tree. Be on the lookout for mountain lions and coyotes, too.
• All hay is not the same.  Use your nose and mouth and sort the dessert out from the rest and eat the good stuff first. 

• Rolling on your back is the quintessential way to scratch. It makes you feel like a filly again and as a result you need a lot more brushing.
• Sneezing and blowing out of your nose is one way to get people to notice you– you get a reaction every time you shower them!
• When someone tells you that you are beautiful, believe them and love them back.

Thank you Jet and Laurel for giving me this opportunity to earn your love and trust! This opportunity comes at a great time for me to learn some lessons from you.