To Kill A Tree

I know there is a nightmare coming and it is because I signed the death warrant for a perfectly healthy black walnut tree. Today is execution day and I don't know if I can get through the rest of the day without crying about it. I feel foolish but I also feel horribly guilty.

This tree and I have battled since it grew tall enough to shed its leaves and its walnuts in those horrid green casings. It is located directly over the back of the house, between two lovely old pine trees that have had to suffer the indignity of palsied limbs because this bully of a tree grew fast and furious, taking up the space between them. Its long spindly branches dangle over the roof and in icy weather branches break off and fall on the roof and larger branches bow menacingly close.

When the deck usage and the garden are at the height of their season, it has been a danger zone with falling green walnut casings making mortar sounds on the roof and annoying and endangering us. The leaves clogged the gutters and the sump pump, causing water to run everywhere but in the gutter and down the drain. The damage from falling nuts included broken plant pots, smashed glass candle globes and even bombed spotlights. I also received a few whacks on the head. I blame the nuts, in part, on the increased sightings of chipmunks, squirrels and the dreaded R-word (r-a-t-).

A few weeks ago my neighbors lost a huge old tree after several days of rain. It fell between two houses, into a busy street that was strangely absent of cars at the time. That started us on a quest to eliminate deadwood from our respective trees, trimming limbs that could be problematic during storms and get ready for bad winter weather. The cost of removing the tree was little more than the cost to trim back the worst of the branches.

This morning I have been reminded over and over of my deed as nuts and branches hit the roof, and the chain saws buzzed and howled. The wood chipper whines and growls with each branch it devours. All make me think they are the tree's last cries for justice.

Penance will come in many forms. I will plant another smaller, native tree there. It may be a dogwood or something that will not interfere with the giant pine trees. I will save some seeds and plant another walnut in the back of the yard, where its leaves and nuts will not be in the way or harm people or possessions. I asked them to leave the logs of the trunk in long sections suitable for boards, in hopes that they can be used to make a pretty table and there might be enough for chairs. Then the life of this tree will be memorialized.

I will use this experience to remind myself of the value of life. No life should be taken lightly and every life should be valued.

I'll be over this soon, I hope. The lingering sadness is surprising but I am glad I did not take this lightly. Killing is agonizing, as it should be.