A Good Cry Day

Call me a control freak, but I am not a crier.   I can only remember crying once at the movies (I can’t tolerate anything bad happening to children) and unless something strikes a particularly emotional chord, even the most compelling, personal testimony or pronouncements won’t bring me to tears.  I can be just shy of cynical about some things emotional.  And then I can see a hurt animal, or miss my kids and I can rival Niagara Falls.  But this week, I knew there was one coming on, and I needed to plan for it.

There are lots of studies about the benefits of crying.  Unleashing is good now and again (for me it’s once or twice a year), and the accumulated manure of 2009 seemed to me a good preface for the annual releasing of the demons.  The torture of unemployment, from the economic impact to the terminal worry of what is going to happen for the rest of my life, had gotten to the point I knew I needed to take my finger out of the dike and just let off some of the pressure.

I cleared my schedule and gave myself permission for a whole day of whining to self, crying, indulging in behemoth waves of self-pity --- but for 12 hours only.  I told a couple of friends, and planned the day around the time my youngest would return to college after Christmas vacation, and near the date of the anniversary of my Father’s death.

The truth is, my crying day was a great day.  I wasn’t sad, but very happy almost all day, except for about an hour when I cried my eyes out, let loose a flood of tears and shook the plaster walls of my house with my screams.  But the interesting thing is that it wasn’t unemployment, missing my Dad or my children, or anything personal that made me cry. 

What triggered it was something I saw while walking the dog late in the morning.  Hanging in the tree of a house down the street, attached to what looked like fishing line, was an enormous hawk’s wing – so large that you couldn’t believe the rest of the bird wasn’t attached.  There was bird meat where the wing formerly met the body.  Clearly the poor raptor had gotten caught in line, flown to the tree, become tangled in the tree branches (the line was wrapped around and around the branch) and then tried to escape, probably dangling from the tree until the wing ripped off.  The body was nowhere to be found.  It was horrible, and I cried for the poor bird, for the pain inflicted by the torture of its final hours.  I probably would have gotten the cry out anyway, but this way I paid tribute to a beautiful creature, prayed for his soul, and took the pressure off the plugged tear ducts. 

In honor of the poor hawk, here are some tips for making it a successful crying day, and how I approached MY cry day.

Recipe for a Successful Pity Party and How I Blew It

Make sure you do not sleep well the night before.  I went to bed on time, after a good day of exercise, networking, education and personal time.  I slept like a log, for nearly 8 hours, and woke up to a dog nose gently nudging my fingers from the floor below. .

Move as if your legs were made of lead.   I bounded out of bed, fed my enormous, grateful goldfish on the way to the back door to let the dog outside, stopping to turn up the thermostat and admire the view of the garden, all the while moving at a rapid, enthusiastic pace.

Don’t drink your pick-me-up coffee; eat an unhealthy breakfast.  The night before, I set the coffee maker to brew a strong pot.  It was music to my ears when it turned itself on during the dog nose incident.  I fixed a delicious oatmeal breakfast.

Choose a dark, rainy, cold day.  My cry day dawned cold but beautiful.  Wispy, fast moving clouds filled the otherwise blue sky.  The wind blew and the bare trees in the backyard swayed. 

Focus on how much the world is out to get you, depriving you of time with friends and opportunity for fun.  Two friends contacted me to see how I was doing, sharing their news and well wishes.  Another friend sent a job tip my way, which resulted in communication with a good networker and more job leads.


Think about all the things you do not have and want and will probably never get.  I looked around me and saw great fortune – family photographs, reminders of travel here and abroad, books filled with fascinating information and ideas, enviable furniture and furnishings, and a really comfy seat on the couch with a lovely view of the garden and a warm blanket to drape over my legs.

Focus on family problems and bones you have to pick with close family members.   One of the first things I saw that morning (next to the fish tank) was the bonsai tree my sons gave me for Christmas; with it were wishes that I have a new hobby to enjoy during my time off .  Next, I checked my IPhone and saw the previous day’s text message from my youngest, ending with “love you.”  I am generously blessed with love and the two best man-children any Mom could have. 

Spend your day in a room with no windows so that you will not be distracted.  I started my day in my favorite room of the house where I saw the beauty unfolding and noticed a whole new section of blooms on Sham, my friend the shamrock plant, and a tiny increase in the growth of the stalk on which an amaryllis flower will soon be blooming. 


Look at your calendar and lament the fact that you have nothing interesting on your agenda for the coming weeks.  My calendar for the next month includes: a visit to the Smithsonian Naturalist Center in Leesburg; a concert in the Dumbarton Concert Series; a walk on the Chesapeake and Ohio Canal; a trip to the Phillips Collection with a friend; two networking meetings; a request to provide a proposal for PAID work; several coffee dates with friends; a walk in the Congressional Cemetery with another friend (I photograph headstones as a hobby); a trip to see my Mother and other family members; lunches and dinners with friends; and of course – Groundhog Day (celebration plans not yet complete)!

Stay away from nature; avoid all animal interactions.  Over coffee I watched the birds enjoying their suet and a pomegranate that was too far gone for human consumption.  The cardinals took turns eating and squawking the gossip to the neighborhood.  A big fat squirrel tried to eat the suet but lost his balanced and hurled to the ground; he later returned and had a large meal.  Downey, hairy and red-bellied woodpeckers enjoyed their fill of the treats.  Chickadees, a mockingbird, sparrows, a pair of wrens, a gnatcatcher, a nuthatch, and a titmouse all visited at some point during my newspaper and coffee time.  Additionally, I had entertainment from the world’s sweetest 12 year old yellow dog who chased his tail and proudly carried around his stuffed bunny.

Do not exercise.  I worked out with a fitness DVD; it gave me energy and heightened my already uppity spirits.

Eat all the junk food you want.  I ate healthy food all day – hot, organic herbal tea throughout the day; homemade bean soup for lunch; an organic Pink Lady apple (my favorites); a salad; and leftover Indian food from Haandi, a local favorite.

If you are unemployed, focus on how horrible it is and how unfair it is that you were singled out for this situation.   I am one of the fortunate ones.  I am not starving to death; I could live off body fat alone for some time.  My financial situation is ugly but my head is above water so far.  During this year, have enjoyed many things and discovered new talents and interests.  If I had not become unemployed, I might not be nearly this enlightened and certainly not this relaxed.  I haven’t had to wear pumps or pantyhose in months!

If you are planning a Pity Party, I hope yours will be a dismal failure as you, too, realize all that there is to be thankful for.  Remember that a good party requires guests – and a worthy theme.