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| Orr's Island, ME |
One of my favorite sayings is "You don't have to tell ME three times." This is because often it takes more than one hit for things to resonate -- but usually after the second blunder I figure it out.
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| Burlington, VT |
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| Echo Lake - New Hampshire |
His words of advice went something like this: "Instead of presenting an idea with 'you should ___,' try saying 'have you considered ___?'" That made sense to me and I had never spent much time considering how my words came across to others. Instead of my suggestion being a command, it is more likely to be adopted if it can become the other person's own.
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| Veggies at the organic market - Newburyport, MA |
In my enthusiasm to shout out an idea, I tend to forget that, as with other situations in life, the right choice of words matters a lot. The point is not to whom the credit goes, but that the message is delivered in such a way that action follows.
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| Carousel tiger - The Shelburne Museum, VT |
This week in an email to my friend, I made a suggesting that began with "You should" -- I blew it. How thoughtless. Making the mistake with the very person who tried to help me was doubly embarrassing.
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| Newbury, MA |
So you don't have to tell me three times, right? Wrong.
Later that same day, I caught myself too late and I killed an idea in a matter of seconds by telling my son he should do something. My edict was a complete conversation-stopper. No adult child wants to be told what to do. Another good idea vaporized.
Later that same day, I caught myself too late and I killed an idea in a matter of seconds by telling my son he should do something. My edict was a complete conversation-stopper. No adult child wants to be told what to do. Another good idea vaporized.
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| Marblehead, MA |
I think my blunders now number far more than three.
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| Newburyport, MA |
It's good to reflect and realize your mistakes and understand how easy it is to completely bungle a sales job. I get it, really.
Have you considered how you approach sharing your ideas with others?
One of my big faults is that I am rather blunt and not very tactful. Your blog today is very close to home with me. Although I prefer to have someone suggest something through a thought, as you suggested, rather than telling me; how is it then that the form I dislike keeps coming from my mouth? (engage mind before engaging mouth) My father smoked unfiltered Chesterfields for decades (about 40 years) killing at least a pack a day. It was the first thing he did when waking in the morning, and the last thing he did before sleeping at night. Over the years, doctors (smokers, and overweight) would tell him he needed to quit. My father would look at them and consider the source – thus continuing to smoke. Then one day about 15-20 years ago, he found a smart doctor with finesse. This doctor was examining my father (diabetes, severe arthritis, chronic pulmonary disease, and facing a quadruple by-pass), when the doctor looked at my father & asked, “have you ever thought about giving up smoking?” and left it at that…never said another word about it. My father, being the stubborn man he is, appreciated the doctor’s approach, went home and never had another cigarette. He kept a pack by his chair and bed for a few months, but never touched them again. He told my mother that when he was ready, he would toss them out. And in about 6 months, there wasn’t a cigarette in the house. The power of suggestion is a powerful thing.
ReplyDeletehilarie said -
ReplyDeletewhat a simple, but powerful message, especially when communicating with teenagers. i love those words, "have you considered.....?" thanks, i'm going to try it - keep you posted on my success with 17yo...
Funny how we do not like to be told what to do yet we do it to others. What a great suggestion. Thanks for sharing.
ReplyDeleteKim
OMG - Thank heavens! I am not alone. Knowing and doing are so different. I got the "Knowing" late in life and now trying to break this lifelong habit of "You should". I even cross my fingers when talking with someone to remind me to LISTEN.Thanks.
ReplyDelete