Celebration of Life

Bamboo orchid at the US National Arboretum

When my children were young, they sometimes made "little while friends".  They moved on - from the sandbox or away from preschool - and we might have known them just a little or very well, but for just a short time.

"Sham", my shamrock plant, in the morning sun

Susan is my grown-up little while friend.  I had known her for less than a year - a very long time in the life of a child but quite a short time in middle age.  

She was in my book club and because of classes or other commitments, she did not always attend.  I don't think I remember being at book club when she had read the book.  That's not meant to make her sound unreliable.  We are all pretty relaxed about the books we read and each meeting there are at least a couple of us who haven't read the book and sometimes they have the best perspective.  

Bonsai at the US National Arboretum

Susan was like that.  She added perspective and increased the "funness" of the meetings.  She loved the wine and the sisterhood and always had an interesting story or gave us another reason to laugh.

US National Arboretum

She and I had some things in common - writing, love of travel, and searching for employment among them - and I thought about calling her to meet for lunch or drinks to share stories.  But I got busy and waited too long.  Susan died very suddenly of a brain hemorrhage in December.  That bright, charming, lovely light she shared with us was so quickly extinguished in our world.

Capitol columns at the US National Arboretum

Yesterday I was privileged to attend her memorial service.  I was so moved by the outpouring of love and remembrances from her friends and family, including the nieces and a nephew she loved so dearly and had spoken of often at book club.

US National Arboretum

Here are a few lessons I learned from Susan, her family and friends, and from myself as a result of my inaction in reaching out to connect with her.

Lessons from Susan

Share your loving thoughts with those who mean so much to you. 

Several friends and family shared things she had written to them that meant so much.

Don't put it off.  You might miss your chance.

I wish now that I had taken time to know Susan better.  

Good people are good to animals.

Susan loved her cats and also loved dogs.  Fittingly, her family asked that memorial contributions be made to the Washington Animal Rescue League.

Live life to the fullest.

Susan was joyful and full of enthusiasm.  She traveled and experienced many things; friends and family spoke of her always being at the ready for adventure.

Give others fun reasons to remember you.

Her relatives spoke fondly of her pet names for them and for her leadership in family gatherings.  Club members remember her enthusiasm for book club absent the books.

Do it.  You will learn something and you will have stories to tell.

She lived life and loved life.

Sisters share a bond that is like no other.

I was honored to share in her sister's witness of the strength of their relationship and reminded of how fortunate I am to have a sister.  

Consider deleting emails on a regular basis.

Her brother lovingly and humorously shared his experience as "the reader" of her email.  It made me think about what I might want left behind for someone to read (or not).

Make memories now so that you will live on in the lives of those who admire you.

Susan's many admirers will continue to be influenced by her and will be better for it. 

Laugh so people will remember you that way.

I can still hear her laughing and see her head tilted back, wine glass in hand, eyes shining.  It's a good way to remember a little while friend.

Lessons from a Friend

A few nights ago a friend and I were on our way to a meeting and erred in our directions,  turning around at a familiar street.  I reminded her that mutual dear friends lived in the neighborhood where we turned and we spent a few minutes talking about them, as it had been some months since either of us had seen them.  We continued to our meeting and I know I didn’t think about that turning “error” again until the next day.

She called the following morning to tell me that the night before, Dave, who lived on that street where we turned around, had passed away due to recently-discovered inoperable ravaging cancer.  

That terrible heart-stopping news caused me to drop everything for a little while, needing prayer and meditation and time to simply assimilate the information I had been given.  I called another friend who was equally devastated by the news and we shared tears and a few memories, wishing we lived closer so we could be together in our sorrow.

Later it seemed so amazing that just the night before we happened to turn around in his neighborhood, spoke fondly about him and his beautiful wife, and were so close to his home when he was passing.  My friend and I decided that, when surprise reminders of friends and loved ones occur,  it is a good practice to pause and complete the thought about them and say a prayer. 

We clearly were supposed to have had that reminder of Dave and his family.  Since then, he has filled my thoughts.

Here are a few lessons I learned, and in some cases re-learned, from a man whose name is synonymous with integrity.  I hope you have someone in your life who has given you similar opportunities for learning.

                                                                                 Lessons from a Friend

• Surround yourself with awesome people.
• Have faith that the Lord will guide you and that prayer is always part of the answer.
• Love your children and grandchildren with gusto.
• When you have been trusted with an assignment, consider it an honor and always do your very best.
• Without words, cause even strangers to recognize that your spouse is the love of your life.
• Generously give of your time as a mentor and teach others to do the same.     
• Leave indelible marks on the lives of others such that they are better people for having known you.