Why You Never Name Goldfish and Other Grownup Discoveries

Shubunkin  at the bottom of the pond

Goldfish below the pond's surface

Goldfish should not be named.  I am greatly amused and even comforted by observing fish and water creatures; I have been since I was a child and a dear family friend, a biologist and minister, would take me on visits to aquarium shops, lakes, rivers and ponds to explore and gather specimens. When I was a teenager I never named the fish because that seemed childish.  Later I would learn that it was a good idea because when you name them and get attached, they die.  “Spike”, “Fillet”, “George,” “Martha”, and “Champ” all went to the big toilet bowl in the sky after being named.  I won’t name another fish.  The unnamed ones in my pond have stayed alive far longer than those with names and it is thrilling to see their black, orange and white shimmering bodies, magnified by the ripples on the surface and activated when I toss in an occasional garden worm for them to snack on. 

Boys of all ages are fascinated by disgusting noises and all related discussion.  At ages 23 and 26, my sons found a recently acquired “Fart Machine” to be an amusing toy.  Purchased in a box of other fascinating items at an auction, the machine has a remote control.  “This is awesome and the coolest thing ever,” exclaimed the eldest.  “Grandmother needs one of these,” declared the other, explaining that she could attach it beneath someone’s chair in the dining room and make it go off randomly at her senior residence.  They spent hours playing with it and then left to run errands after setting it to go off in random intervals, hidden somewhere in the house.  I endured the noises for some time, unable to locate it.  I thought of this as a sort of territorial marking, much like dogs peeing on bushes.  This allowed the memory of them, and their antics, to endure in their absence.  I think I am well on my way to an honorary degree in anthropology.  Boys never cease to amaze me.

Rain lily

Late summer rose

Winter friend

Seasons happen for a reason.  Now in the heat of August, I remember fondly those early spring days when everything was new and there were surprises in the garden – the thrill of seeing the bulbs I planted in fall pushing through the rich, damp, chilly soil and the busy work of the robins collecting building materials for their new homes.  As summer progresses and each of the flowering plants provide a backdrop of color around the garden, I rejoice in the miracles and am occasionally surprised by a forgotten plant when it contributes a new color or a larger plumage than it did last year.  Now as the tomato plants have become spindly and their fruit disappears regularly (squirrels and chipmunks), and the leaves of the blackeyed-susans shrivel and their egg-yolk colored heads droop, I realize that I am looking forward to Fall.  We need to re-seed the grass; I am bored with weeding, and things are looking tired and dead in much of the garden.  Only the pond, a great source of joy and entertainment, seems unready to yield to the seasonal pressures. 

It’s like riding a bike.  Last week I worked as a consultant for a new organization that held its events in Washington.  I had a role in writing and preparing materials and helping with logistics.  Our fantastic team of Washington women, all unemployed and in our 50’s and 60’s, worked splendidly together and it was a successful event that will hopefully provide additional opportunities for all of us to continue to be involved. 

We all commented, in different ways, about how nice it was to feel energized by the tight deadlines, crazy work schedule, and immediacy of the tasks we had to accomplish.   We marveled that we were able to dust off the cobwebs in our multi-tasking-oriented brains and do it like we had hundreds of times before, using our years of acquired knowledge and natural organizational abilities.   It was much like the old days of political conventions, conferences, and issues campaigns when we worked round the clock and networked before anyone really called it networking, and used telephones more than blackberries.  Except for the technological improvements, it works the same, and in the end we knew that it was the close working relationships, the focus on the goals and the communication with one another that made it all come together. 

What was different was that at 8:00 in the evening at the end of the final event, we were tired.  Years ago, we would have gone out and celebrated our success with a drink or two and hours of socializing; instead we went home, put on our jammies, drank large glasses of water and put our feet up.

Dallas in his favorite position

Old dogs are a lot like (older) men.  Dallas sleeps a lot, passes gas constantly, thinks that the entire world revolves around him, obsessively marks his territory, startles easily, overreacts to intrusions (the annoying man in the short pants who stuffs papers into the box outside the door), obsesses over his privates, is a picky eater, makes a mess with his food, and is extremely particular about his daily constitutional.  

But I have never known a man who is as sweet-natured, loving and happy as Dallas the Dog.  Is it any wonder I am still single?  

Flea market offerings

Hunting and foraging come naturally.  My sons are opening a shop in a local antiques mall.  All summer, they have been going to auctions, flea markets and yard sales, collecting “cool stuff” that they will sell in their “mantiques” business.  I have been honored to be invited to accompany them on some of their foraging expeditions on Saturday mornings, ads for estate and yard sales in hand, looking for the unlimited bargains in the cast-offs of others that are simply waiting to be harvested.  In truth I think they invite me because I have the best vehicle with the most reliable air conditioning.  I drive, they give directions.  So manly. 

At each location, we leap out, after a drive-by to ensure that it is worth the effort.  I imagine Native Americans on the plains in search of buffalo.  We emerge from the car, ready to swoop in for the kill, carefully inspecting the merchandise with high hopes that we will discover something with high value that is priced at a dollar.  

There are always more hunters, and vultures, behind us, ready to claim their victory or be satisfied with the spoils.  Also much like the hunter, when we arrive home from a yard sale-ing trip, we spread the “kill” out on the dining room table, and congratulate one another on our hunting prowess, figuring out potential profits and feeling proud. 

It is exciting to watch my young hunters improve their skills and become increasingly agile in their scouring, learning more about how to anticipate results, getting better at reading maps and knowing what areas and what kinds of ads yield the best results.  While the hunters of old were after different game, the skills and outcome are not entirely different.  In the end, it’s the perceived value of what they bag, be in by bow and arrow or in a recycled plastic one from Safeway!

Jumping to Conclusions

My dog, now in his 13th year, still provides insight into human nature and gives me a lot to write and ponder about.

Recently a dear friend visited from Texas.  He remembers her and happily greeted her when she arrived for her welcome dinner and presented her with his stuffed bunny, his challenge to the endeared one to play a game of keepaway.

A few days later when she was leaving, he panicked when he saw the suitcase, neatly packed and deposited by the front door.  He pouted, got that hang-dog, world coming to the end, it's all about me and I know this means Mom is leaving again look as he sat, shown here, guarding the suitcase.  He jumped to conclusions, as old dogs are prone to do, and he was in fact wrong.  And boy did he make himself miserable with worry.

As most things do these days, this makes me think about the job-hunting process and how easy it is for people to make assumptions and then take subsequent actions based on incorrect information.  More than one headhunter has looked quickly at my resume and commented that most of my career has been working for the federal government, when in fact I have had exactly one federal position and at least 9 others.  Because they don't know what "government relations" means, they assume that it means working for the government but it is really a misleading term for lobbyist, which is vastly different than working for the government.  As with old Dallas, trying to convince someone who has made an incorrect assumption that they need to re-examine the facts is probably futile.

My answer to the dog and suitcase problem is to hide the suitcases from him until time to go out the door, then put the dog out the back door while the suitcases go through the front.  As for the headhunters or hiring managers, I learn a little something from each of them.  I have made changes in my resume to make clearer the positions I have held.  The key to survival, and moving a little further ahead in this game is to learn from mistakes, be they my own or others'.

Lessons of the Bonsai

Trident maple at the US National Arboretum

in training since 1895

My sons gave me a bonsai for Christmas.  Jennifer Juniper is 17 years old and grew up in Texas.  Along with Jennifer came an array of supplies – food, books, clippers and wire.  It was all very confusing at first, but I took the adoption seriously, read the manuals and tried to tune in to her special needs.

Jennifer Juniper on Christmas Day, 2009

My eldest told me that I needed a new hobby because I was spending entirely too much time talking to the birds that visited the suet feeders on our deck.   I think he was most bothered when I referred to  Mr. and Mrs. Cardinal by name and went on about how well put-together her colors were.  Maybe I got a little more excited about the birds and their attire than I would have had my life been filled with more human interaction like one gets when employed and around people all day.

 Serissa

Soon after Jennifer’s arrival, the three of us visited a local nursery that specializes in bonsai and got Jennifer a sister, Serissa.  It seemed fitting to have a tropical plant to round out the sisterhood and provide more things for the unemployed to be obsessed with.

Each day since, I have watered and misted the sisters, plucking dead leaves from Serissa and until recently have let Jennifer to just rest until it was time to go outdoors.

Last month, when it started getting warmer, I put Jennifer out on the sunny deck and she experienced rainfall and real sunshine and cold nights and warm days and had quite a variety of experiences.  It must have been overwhelming at first, but she responded with lots of new growth.  Because she arrived in the dead of winter from a much warmer climate, she lived indoors until the spring.  But from now on, she will live outdoors and enjoy the change of seasons, as junipers generally do.

The only way to keep a bonsai a bonsai is to keep it trimmed so sadly I had to clip the one tiny pinecone on Jennifer’s boughs and Serissa also requires regular pruning.

 Serissa 2

Earlier this month, my eldest and I took a bonsai class at Wolf Trap Nursery.  We were very excited about it and arrived eager to plant our very own bonsai and learn more about their care and feeding.  It was held outdoors and surprisingly cool that morning, so we huddled around the wire mesh-topped tables after anxiously choosing our plants.  He chose a Serissa with interesting exposed roots and I chose a ficus.  Making a selection of pots was difficult as there were many colorful choices and we each wanted the one was that was perfect for our adoptee.

 Frank Ficus

We carefully trimmed and shaped our trees, planted them with utmost care and each ended up with lovely small plants to care for.  The instructor was very complimentary of our work and we felt extremely proud that we had followed instructions carefully and were not afraid to heavily trim our adoptees down to nearly half their size. 

We brought Jennifer and Serissa to the class so that the instructor could counsel us on their care.  He told us my care of them had been nearly expert and they were very healthy.  He suggested giving Jennifer a good haircut and exposing more of her trunk and branches.  On the way back to the car, my son gave me a high five and a hug and said “Mom, we rock at bonsai.”  It was a special moment.

 The Serissa Sisters, Jennifer Juniper and Frank Ficus

Since then I have felt a bit more of a burden as the adopted mom of now four plants.  I am starting to feel like this could get to be just a little bit addicting.  Every morning I care for them and fuss over them (and yes they do get verbal encouragement, as well).  It takes more time with four than two.  But it is a healthy hobby that gives me a great deal of satisfaction and you see up close every day the results of your love and attention.  Raising other living things, be they children or animals, is like that and the rewards are great. 

I am still actively seeking my next career move.  Truth be known, I am also adapting to the pleasures of being home and learning lessons from the bonsai, the old yellow dog and the robins that must be planning a bumper crop of babies this year.  In honor of the Serissa sisters, Jennifer Juniper and Frank the Ficus, I share these lessons.  It is a list in progress.  Every day I learn something new.

Life Lessons from the Bonsai

• Waiting is part of the experience.  While you wait, you watch and attend to all the other things in the environment and experience things you wouldn’t have taken the time to absorb before.  That is probably the most important lesson of unemployment and the one I struggle with the most.

• Good things happen slowly; you are in it for the long haul.  Bonsai live for hundreds of years with proper care.  Finding the next career path is not a fast process when you are making drastic changes.

• If you discard excess you will see what is beneath. Trimming excess growth from the trees involves careful use of the shears to eliminate the unnecessary and expose the beauty of the shape.  When you are making a major career change, you need to throw off the excess, such as generalizations, fears, old baggage and things that hide your branches and trunk. 

• Nutrition is very important.  In a tiny little pot, a beautiful thing grows slow and healthy with the proper balance of food; fighting the tendency to overfeed is a constant problem.  Like the bonsai that has been repotted or had its roots and branches trimmed, people under stress need to consume balanced meals and fight the inclination to overeat.

• If you dry out, you will die.  The bonsai depend primarily on water for their nourishment and neglecting hydration for only a few days can damage or even kill them.  People can live on water alone for some time, although we are not designed to subsist that way for extended periods.  But daily consumption of plenty of plain old H2O is key to survival and good health.

• Sun is very important.  Many bonsai need considerable sunlight to promote healthy growth, prevent disease, do the photosynthesis thing and dwarf  (ultraviolet life dwarfs leaves and ideal conditions are to give them almost too much light); but with too much sunlight they will dry up, sunburn and be damaged.  In the throws of a major job search, people have a tendency to isolate, stay indoors on the internet and telephone and not get enough vitamin D (produced when you are exposed to ultraviolet light), which is important for preventing osteoporosis, some kinds of cancer and even depression).  Likewise, if we spend all of our time outside playing in the sun, we don’t accomplish our goals and have other health problems.

• Resting in the shade is important too.  Too much sun is not good for the bonsai; they get too dry or too hot and deters proper growth and nutrients are diverted to fight the overexposure.  Resting in a quiet, shaded spot is good for the soul and body of the unemployed who cannot search for a job nonstop without the proper rest.

• Cutting back promotes growth.  Eliminating branches and leaves and allowing the bonsai to focus its energy on developing young, smaller growth is important in its development.  As we face major life changes including job searches, it is often necessary to cut expenses and reassess priorities and necessities; in the process we gain strength and wisdom . 

• It is more interesting to have diverse friends.  Jennifer and the Serissa Sisters and Frank Ficus mix well together; they look fantastic as a foursome and yet each have their individuality.  Particularly during a career change and job search, we need to have many friends and contacts to support and help us see ourselves in different lights and strengthen our outreach.

• Trust your master that you will be well cared for.  As long as I am the keeper of these bonsai, they will be well tended and their growth will be according to a plan.  God has a plan for us, and the seasons of growth, cutting back, resting, basking in the sun, waiting, and waiting some more are all part of it.  We must trust, and comply, give all we can and at times grow weary, while we allow our master to do his work.

Unemployed "Big Girls" Learn How Foundation Proposal Writing and Job Hunting Are Similar

The bonsai tree pictured here is almost 400 years old and lives at the US National Arboretum.  It has weathered a lot, grown stronger and survived.  And so will those of us who are unemployed.  Here's to us!

Recently, an unemployed friend and I took a day-long refresher course on foundation proposal writing.  We drove into the city at a very early hour, we joked that we had not commuted in some time, and that when we do have meetings in in the city, we aim to avoid rush hour.   We also made light of the fact that we felt like “big girls” again, donning our grownup clothes and hassling with the traffic just like real working people.  It has been a while since either of us worked in full time jobs.

It was possibly a tad exhilarating and good to learn something, too.  We were among the eldest of the students, but participated admirably and asked good questions.  

Almost immediately, what struck me were the parallels of writing a grant and looking for a job.  Here are actual notes taken during the class, with annotations about the applicability to job hunting and marketing yourself.  It was a useful exercise for me to write them out and to remember the next time I am writing a cover letter for a resume, or a foundation grant application for a client.  If you are looking for a job (or writing a foundation grant), I hope this will be helpful to you, too.

Writing a Foundation Proposal: Application to Job Hunting

Attachments are increasingly important.  In addition to the resume and cover letter, more employers are asking for work samples and references with the application.

Tell why the program is essential for your organization and your community.  Turning this around a bit, in a cover letter, it is important to tell your potential employer why you are essential to them.  What is special about you that will make you a good employee?

The person you deal with at the foundation, your advocate, is paid to bring good ideas to their board.  As the Foundation grants officer brings the good proposals to the board, so the resume-reader/ human resources person must bring good people to the hiring manager of an organization.  They look good when a good idea/candidate is presented so make them look good for recommending you for an interview!

Write grants in lay language because the screeners are not technical people.  Resumes filled with technical jargon cannot be understood by most of the people who initially read them (and don’t explain why you should have an interview).  Make it easy to understand and highlight your skills that are critical to their mission.

Follow the directions.  One of the main reasons grant applications are initially rejected is that they did not follow the directions.  Did you include the required attachments?  If they ask for salary history and a writing sample, provide it.  Employers may receive hundreds of resumes for one position announcement; don’t give them a reason to reject you before even reading the resume.

What is your reputation with their colleagues?  Employers are well connected in the community?  Are you?  What is your reputation with the people they know?  Who writes on your Facebook page?  Who are your references?  Do you have LinkedIn recommendations from people they know?  Would someone the employer respects make a call on your behalf?

Prompt their curiosity but don’t tell them everything (leave something for them to want to find out).  This applies to dating and a myriad of other selling situations.  Provide an intriguing resume but don’t tell them everything you would tell them in the interview.  The purpose of the cover letter and resume is to get you an interview so you can WOW them with the details of those gems that will get your hired.

Make it short.  There are 98,000 grantmakers and 1.2 million organizations.  Make your cover letter enticing without writing a thesis.  There may be 400 resumes and cover letters received for one job announcement.  You want them to sift through and notice the important points in yours right away.

Verbs should outweigh adjectives.  This is pretty obvious.  Yes you may need to have some quantifying adjectives (“I developed the only program in Virginia...”), but the action words will highlight your accomplishments.

Write with substance over style.  Your resume and cover letter need to address what they are looking for.  Graphics, flowery wording and colors generally detract from telling them why you are perfect for the job.

Hit me in the heart.  This was what one foundation grants officer said should be the result from reading the summary of the proposal.  Of course you should do the same thing with your cover letter to apply for the job.  Say why you absolutely are the perfect person to get it but you might not want to make them cry!

The Executive Summary should be the jacket copy for your best seller.  I loved this.  This applies just as much to a cover letter and resume package as it does for the foundation proposal.  Employers should know who you are and what you can do by reading the first half of the first page of your resume.  Your cover letter should specifically address what about you makes you perfect for their specific job.

This is what I will do...tie the request and result back to the mission.  What is the mission or purpose of the organization/company you want to work for.  What makes you uniquely qualified to help them achieve it.  Tease them with an unique idea where appropriate.

Define how you are going to change your piece of the world.  This applies more directly to the interview than the cover letter.  In the cover letter, you may want to tell how you have already changed your piece of the world (innovations, outcomes).  If you have ideas for the new job, allude to them; but tell only enough that they want to interview you to hear more!

Make sure you clearly understand the problem.  Do you clearly understand what they are hiring for?  Read the position description carefully and write your cover letter to address their requirements with your relative abilities.  If necessary, reorganize some of the accomplishments on your resume to address their needs first.

Are you low-risk?  No human resources officer wants to spend the time and the organization’s money to interview or hire you only to find out that you aren’t right for the job because of something that should have been obvious. Make sure you have clearly defined why you are right for the position and are worth the time to interview. 

Communicate and stay in touch!  If you are fortunate enough to get an interview, make sure you write a thank you note to each person who interviewed you, as well as to the human resources staff who may have set up your interview.  When you go in for the interview, make a point of meeting the assistant or secretary for the person who interviews you and thank them for their help.  A thank you to the support staff whose opinion often matters is a nice touch and always appreciated.


The process always takes longer than you think it will.  Well, isn't that the truth.  

These points were all helpful reminders for me as a job seeker.  If you are looking for a job, I wish you the best of luck.  We seekers need to support one another.  The competition for jobs, as for Foundation grants, is tough.  Stay focused, be good to yourself, and spend your time with people who are positive and supportive.  They will help keep your spirits up.  That is why I spend time with my "big girl" friends.